Cold
by Raventhedarkgoddess
Summary: InuYasha lost control of himself and hurt what he loved the most: Kagome. Can he find a way to tell her what he really feels before it's too late? Songfic to Crossfade's 'Cold', InuKag, oneshot


**Cold**

Genre: Romance/Angst  
Rating: Teen  
Coupling: Inu/Kag  
Song: Cold by Crossfade  
Disclaimer: I don't own the song, nor the character in the story.

* * *

_**Looking back at me I see  
That I never really got it right  
I never stopped to think of you  
I'm always wrapped up in  
Things I cannnot win  
You are the antidote that gets me by  
Something strong  
Like a drug that gets me high**_

Inuyasha paced, claws digging into his arms, long white hair bouncing up and down over his shoulder as he moved. It took four large steps and seven small ones for him to go from one sterile white wall to the other. He passed the row of chairs without feeling or hope, and was startled to hear a soft voice address him.

"Inuyasha, please sit down," Kagome's mother said in a quiet, gentle voice, trying to coax the dazed-looking half-demon boy into the chair next to her.

She expected fury. She expected him to lash out in anger and fury, to throw a fit and to react with all due anger to her small request. She looked up at him, into his brown eyes, and expected to see hate there, expected some smart remark and to have her request ignored.

She did not expect him to sink down into the blue plastic chair beside her, hands to the top of his head, and stop in a movement that greatly resembled someone who was wanted to wrentch all their hair out from the pain they were feeling. He slumped forward slightly. "Okay... Mom," he added, as one of the nurses walked into the room, which was supposed to contain only Kagome's family for visitation rights.

Very few killers often returned to the scene of their crime, at least in this world. However, Inuyasha was not most. _I never meant for any of this to happen to her... _He dug his nails further into the flesh on his own head and sighed, refusing to look at anyone for fear that they would see the guilt.

He had told Sota and Kagome's grandfather that a demon had gotten her, had harmed her. He had told the nurse it was a car accident. The first one was closer to the truth, with only an alteration of one word.

A **half-demon **had gotten to Kagome.

"...Some car accident she was in," He heard the nurse remark to Sota. "Your sister is having a bit of a rough time with it, boys."She turned to look upon Inuyasha with kind, violet eyes. "If you hadn't done something about it and brought her here, she'd be dead by now." Her heels clicked off the ground as she moved away from him, muttering about how careless of a thing that had been to say while he was in shock.

The silence fell back over them as soon as he had left, and Inuyasha stood back up: He couldn't stand listening to his own heartbeat, couldn't stand sitting there listening to nothing but the hopeful murmers and the reassurence Kagome's family was trying to give each other.

"Thank you for helping Kagome, for giving her a chance to live." Her mother said, reaching out to take Inuyasha's hand. He jerked away, the kind words cutting him far more than accusations ever would have if he had just told them in the first place what had happened. _I don't deserve it. _

"Don't mention it," he heard himself say in a cold, aloof voice, like he couldn't bring himself to say anything more. Her mother patted his shoulder in a warm gesture, and he drew away further than ever. He never could stand kindness.

What he really hated was this pity, the lie that he had told, and the way he had been to Kagome, the way he had acted. He couldn't bring himself to look at anyone, and so instead he stared at the wall.

_How did this happen... Why did I let this happen? What kind of idiot lets the girl of his dream get hurt... What kind of idiot almost kills the girl of his dreams?

* * *

_

_**What I really meant to say  
Is I'm sorry for the way I am  
I never meant to be so cold to you**_

_**And I'm sorry about all the lies  
Maybe in a different light  
You could see me stand on my own again  
Cause now i can see  
You were the antidote that got me by  
Something strong like a drug that got me high  
I never meant to be so cold**_

_Inuyasha turned to Kagome. "Idiot girl!" Cornered and trapped, Kagome was holding her bow out, but the arrows appeared to miss the large wolf-demon they were fighting, almost going straight through him and instead coming toward Inuyasha. "You'll never hit it like that!"_

_The demon seemed to be mocking him, chasing the girl in circles, always keeping her a few feet out of his reach. His weapon forgotten, Inuyasha rushed in: He could take this monster on with next to nothing, with only his claws to help him._

_"Claws of blood!" He yelled, because by this time, his nails were well-stained with blood. The monster seemed to move, though, and one of it's own claw-covered paws struck Kagome. "Inuyasha..." She whispered. "Inuyasha, help me..."_

_"I'll help you, Kagome!" But, even as he got closer to her, slicing through the air, the demon moved, and Inuyasha found himself falling forward, falling, falling..._

_The blood that now rested on his nails was too great, for it was her blood. He picked up his weapon, but all he could see was Kagome, even as the demon fell, bleeding and unmoving..._

_"Get up! Get up!" His claws hit her again and again, and the rain that had been making the battle hard from the very beginning seemed to further hinder his movements._

_"She won't get up..." He whispered. _

_Picking up her lifeless form, he ran to the only place he felt he could draw any form of help from. "I can't believe it... You stupid, defenseless little..." His claws slashed her again in his fustration, demon blood overthrowing feelings. "I never should have been involvled with you in the first place..."_

_"So you hate me." Her voice was dead and hollow, and, with those words, she passed out, blackness overcoming her vision as her eyelids dropped._

_"I didn't mean it..." His feelings came through his demonic side, but he knew not what to do. _

_So he continued to run, running into the forest, toward the well and away from the scene where he had forgotten that he was half-human._

_But only a demon would have commited such a crime... I'm a heartless demon. And then she had fallen to the ground, but the crunch of her leg bone had not been able to stop him or pry him away from his thoughts. He continued to run._

_Trying to escape from himself.

* * *

Kagome... How could I have been so cold? _

"Is one of you Inuyasha?" Asked a female voice softly and gently. The same nurse from earlier was staring at him, at his white hair, obviously wondering why he had thrown what appeared to be a traditional garb and a baseball hat on in order to go out.

"I am." He said, forcing his voice to work, forcing himself to look away from the white-washed wall and instead at the nurse. "Do you need something?"

"Kagome is requesting to see you... She's very weak, but as her brother you should know how to make her smile. Her voice is weak, but I think she'll survive... Please, though, do nothing to upset her."

He nodded: This was his chance to prove to Kagome how sorry he was, that he hadn't meant a word of it. His 'family looked up at him in slight shock: This was not natural, not for him to agree to something so easily. "Tell her I send my love, Inuyasha," her mother said softly, her eyes clouded with slight tears. Once again, he nodded, still not trusting his strained voice.

"I know this has to have been hard on your family... I still can't believe that Kagome was crushed in that accident and you came along. That must have been some pretty good timing, like you're her guardian angel or something."

"Angel, feh," he muttered. "Any real angel could stand on their own again, wouldn't hide from the light of the crime..." He crossed his arms and ducked his head, following her silently, and the woman gave up on any attempt at conversation.

The doctor eyed Inuyasha with suspicion and disregard, but took Kagome's wishes into consideration as both he and the three nurses that had been there made their way toward the door. "I'll be back in here shortly." With only one backward glance, he shut the heavy door and ran: Places to be, more people to take care of.

She coughed as Inuyasha stepped among the beeping, whirling machines and their many wires: He could not take the hand that rested against the sheets, could not look at Kagome's face. "Why, Inuyasha? Why did you do this to me? Why would you attack me?"

"It's not like that... You have to listen to me." He fumbled for the right words, fumbled for something to say. "Please..."

"You just wanted the jewel shards, didn't you? You were just tired of me, and you used me... It was all just a lie." She coughed."And I fell for it."

"Why would I have brought you here just to kill you!" His temper was rising quickly, and he did his best to bite it down. _You can't mess this up..._

"I don't know. I can't understand you half-demons anyway. You're soobbsessivewith your quest for power that you ignore me, ignored my feelings and tried to kill me..." She glared at him.

"Let me explain!"

She coughed. "Fine, explain now or get out."

* * *

_**I never really wanted you to see  
The screwed up side of me that I keep  
Locked inside of me so deep  
It always seems to get to me  
I never really wanted you to go  
So many things you should have known  
I guess for me theres just no hope  
I never meant to be so cold**_

"I can't control myself sometimes... My emotions just got out of control, and I was so furious that I couldn't protect you... I snapped..." He sighed. "I'm screwed up inside, Kagome, and I didn't want you to see that. I didn't want you to be afraid of me, and I didn't want you to hate me..."

A long pause passed through the room, broken byanother long fit of coughing from Kagome.

"I wouldn't have hated you... I just thought you trusted me more than this." She stared him down. "If you were just honest with me... Whatever was inside of you, whatever hate or pain... You could have told me, you know."

"I meant to... I really meant to... You should have gotten to know me, but I wouldn't let you, and then I just lost it like that with no explaination, and now we're here..." A single tear fell down to grace her hand and lay there, shimmering as if from the heat of some unreal, feverant dream, between them.

Her face came close to his and she lay the other, untainted hand on his cheek. "You should have told me." She looked away for a second, then back to him. "But it's alright now."

"I never meant to be so cold to you... I'm hopeless."

"You're not hopeless." She moved her hand off his face and instead brought her lips against his to stop him from talking. He found himself pressing back, kissing her back.

The nurse walking in could only stare at the scene before her. _Isn't that her brother...?_

"I love you, Kagome."

"I love you too."

The nurse could find nothing to say to hearing those words.


End file.
